Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
