There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize