On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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