Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
