got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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