bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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