Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
