cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
