Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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