There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
