Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize