She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
