Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
