I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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