His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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