Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
