I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
