Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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