just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
