Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's like heaven, but drunker
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
