**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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