I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
God, I missed his penis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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