I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
