Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
