Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
