; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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