last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
