Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
