My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
