I want to walk on stilts...naked
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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