I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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