remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
