It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
