I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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