She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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