is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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