Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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