my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
