Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
