i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
