God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
