at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize