You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize