she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
