Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Less talking, more tequila
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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