You're my little dorito
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
