a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
