The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
