Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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