i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Mom said you looked used
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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