so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
