Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
