suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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