Rock
Scissors
Fuck
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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