I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
