she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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