we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
