That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
