drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize