u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
