distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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