he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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