it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
