Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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