if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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