for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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