the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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