The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
