What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
