No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
