All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
