It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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